While my husband and I were engaged I did a semester of school in Hawaii with my good friend Natalie, while he stayed on the mainland to work. We didn't have a car in Hawaii, so the bus had to get us wherever we wanted to go.
(Nothing like riding the bus to make you feel like an adult, let me tell you.)
Natalie and I used to sit on the side of the road by the bus stop and call the bus hotline to find out 'how many more minutes' until the bus would arrive. (That always made me feel pretty adult-like as well.)
Anyway, we'd hop the bus and ride it down to Turtle Bay Resort/Hotel. And then we would head to the pool.
Errr... by taking the back gate. And walking very stealthily. And perhaps wearing swimsuit coverups that matched nearby shrubbery.
But once we we'd snuck in we'd get to lay out, slap on some Maui Babe tanning lotion and drink in the Hawaii sun.
We'd always get asked for drink orders and I'd wonder which room I should charge it to.
(Just kidding. But kind of not.)
Turns out if you're white, they assume you're a resort guest. And they let you lay by the pool. Every. Day. And apparently they think you live there because how else do they not notice that you never. go. away. ??
Probably they thought I was Paris Hilton or something and just live at hotels.
I eavesdropped on so many great conversations at that pool.
Don't pretend you don't do it.
How can you not listen to the details of a six-year-old's birthday party that totaled almost 12,000 dollars?
It's like a train-wreck, you just can't look away. Also, apparently if you're wearing earbuds people think you're not listening.
Who knew?
Anyway, since I was SO moral-minded and just couldn't bring myself to order lots of drinks to other people's rooms, I never got to taste Turtle Bay's Hawaiian Lava flow.
But I so wanted to.
So Turtle Bay resort, here's to you.
Thanks for the great tan for my wedding. The relaxation. And some priceless gems of wisdom.
("OMGOSH... do not EVER hire her to do your balloons. She brought shiny teal instead of iridescent aqua and she used trashy ribbon! The floats were ALL wrong, I think her sister is transgender and I heard she got her dog from the pound!")
This "Real Housewives" stuff? It's for real.
("OMGOSH... do not EVER hire her to do your balloons. She brought shiny teal instead of iridescent aqua and she used trashy ribbon! The floats were ALL wrong, I think her sister is transgender and I heard she got her dog from the pound!")
This "Real Housewives" stuff? It's for real.